???

oh i don't really know what this entry into my life is about yet...its summer and all my friends are away from me. its funny how the ppl you want closest aren't there but the pple who you want to whats a nice way of puttting it "GO AWAY" just wont. i guess desperate times call for desperate measures. there seems to be a lot of desperate times in my life recently...i felt like my world had burned into an oblivion on jan 28. wow has time flown or what. and all i feel is regret always when i think of her...i guess thats normal this feeling of all these what ifs. but i guess i have to come to realize its too late i'm too late and the dwelling does no good for anyone. ugh.................life i guess. its just the realization that she will never be here again. no hugs no smiles no wonderful food no supper club no painting the skin no more boxeo reinactments no more laughs no more senior luncheons no more conway twitty no more moments left with the woman is was God's gift to me . i just need one question answered why?what do i do??? the unknown is horrible. the people closest to you..cherish them always always. the unpredictable is unbearable. i have no idea why i am having an emotional break down right now wow on my blog!! lol anyway wow to life

SLEEP

What the hell??....I can never sleep. I would like to thank college for this horrible atrocity. sleep most likely one of the greatest things ever!! has been taken away from me. why do things always happen at a later time in college? what is so cool about doing something at 2am instead of 8pm ?? Does the day get better the further along it goes? or is that some illusion that if its not good now it will be...but in reality it could always be shitty. but the only reason we go on is for the hope of something better!But will this "better" ever come? that's the question we all seek. Our whole life is the search for the better the piece of gold in the pile of shit we call life. So sleep come back to me...i am in desperate need of you!

Good Bye Freshman Year

WOW is definitely the word to express all the experiences, people, and damn funny things that happened freshman year of college! We can recount the random make-outs, those drunken dazed nights...and sometimes mornings, the stories as proof, or even the pictures as confirmation of all the COMPLETELY DUMB ASS SHIT we did our freshman year. But you know what who cares... all that makes freshman year freshman year, and all the tight-ass friends you did all that crap with will be with you till the bitter end! Those are the friends who will drive your drunk self to TB for a miranda even when you sing a song to the employee. Those are the friends who will pick you up from the dorms when you've made the biggest mistake of your life. Those are the friends who wont judge you for that mistake. Those are the friends you give into when they don't want to do something for the first time alone. Those are the friends you "wiggle" with on those drunken nights. Those are the friends who always pork chop you but you always trip them and laugh histaricly. Those friends you steal spoons out of the cafe with to eat your delicious ice cream. Those are the friends you road trip with to nashvegas to see the greatest man alive (dave). Those are the friends who hate pple so you do.Those are the friends who help you avoid people too. Those are the friends who watch in agony as you drunk text and call. Those are the friends you play swedish drinking games with that lead you on the road to retardedness. Those friends who you get questioned by the police w/ just because the door was open for christ's sake!!Those are the friends whose car will probably forever smell of alcohol. Those friends that just need someone to cuddle with them e v e r y n i g h t (i love you). Those friends you see randomly taking pic at 3 am 4 stories down because thats just who she is.Those are the friends you have a cig w/ on the parking garage on a Sunday night. Those are the friends you travel to 3 states w/ and get back at 6 for your 8 o'clock class. Those are the friends who dress you and put you to bed. Those are the friends that all 11 of you cram into a 5-seater blazer just to go out! Those are the friends who take you drunk to the lib to complete your fantasy. Those are the friends who allow you to use their camera to take over 100pic of pple w/chocolate. Those are the friends whose hair you spit gum in but love you anyway. Those are the friends who help you beat up some girls for banging on the bathroom door. Those are the friends whose ex-friends your about beat up! Those are the friends whose ex-boyfriends you NEED to beat up. Those are the friends who talk you out of walking somewhere you MOST definitely shouldn't. Those are the friends you buy 50 cent sun changing rings with for the hell of it. Those are the friends you introduce to PAINT CAN. Those are the friends who drink for the first time mostly because of you. Those are the friends who don't drink so much because of you.Those are the friends whose floor you sleep on for weeks with 2 other pple. Those are the friends you share a bed w/ for almost a week because you love each other that much. Those are the friends who dont judge who you made out with because there is always worse. Those are the friends that keep you straight as you do them (for the most part). Those are the friends you break standards with. Those are the friends you dwell on with about how fucked up each others lives are...but always remember that your lives would be even more fucked up if you didn't have each other. Those are the friends who put up with your supposed "bitchassness" no matter what. Those are the friends your gonna miss everyday of summer. Those are the friends that complete you!
These FRIENDS, helped you make freshman year fucking amazing...so thanks for putting up will all my shit!

Ice Cream

I believe ice cream has to be some sort of cure-all. It seems at any hard time or any good time ice cream is very suitable. What wrong could you find in eating a perfectly sprinkled vanilla cone ??? No matter age, race, or gender it brings joy to all. I just decided to express my gratitude for this creamy cold deliciousness we call "ice cream"

Little Things

Every moment and everything counts. No matter how small the gesture or how large the event each fraction of a second counts. We must cherish the little things that happen to us that make us who we are.

Scared

Ok so i am completely terrified of needles. ya i'm 19 yrs old i don't care! i am scared to death. it is the 21st century there has to be less painful way of getting blood. its just the whole idea of a sharp piece of metal being stabbed into my skin and sitting there while they suck blood out of me!!! i know i need my blood work done b/c thyroid cancer runs in my family ,but i dont think i can deal with having my blood drawn every so often. not even sure why i'm ranting about this NOT THAT BIG of a deal but any way i get my blood drawn in a couple of hours in case i have cancer so it has to be done! my life up-to-date

Results

LIFE
its not about the "cards you were dealt" the "gifts God gave you" or "what was supposed to happen". its about the mistakes you've made. every choice you've made is who you are today. what ever excuse you can come up with doesn't matter because whats already happend has happend and you have to live your life up to that point. i have no regrets in my life and i never will. regrets are a waste of the life i need to live. why regret choices that were already made. regreting is using time you need to edit your life because of those choices! i'm not saying decisions aren't sometimes bad and need to be reevalutated. you just need to not dwell on those moments and always move forward. because whether you move forward or not everything and everyone does w/out you.